Katrina , how great thou art!

katrina, the truck of my heart, i have had her for 2 weeks and we have already had many adventures. Her first trip was to kahuku grilll where we got the best burgers i think on the island. she has faithfully brought me to and from school usually on time, depending on when i leave the house. the greatest of the adventures is when i have the wonderful privilage of getting in and out of Katrina, cause you see, katrina's driver side door is a little rusted, ok i mean very rusted, she doesn't open. that doesn't mean she can't however, i fear that if i did the door would fall off and i would have to drive without a door.


so to be able to get into my beloved truck, i climb in the passenger side door. which works pretty good as long as im not in a dress. but never the less she is my greatest adventure that i am looking forward to having her bring me many many happy moments. and laughs and giggles.

friendships

so i am back living in the blessed island of oahu, loving the sun, and enjoying the amazing education that i am so privilaged to get here. so why do i feel sad.... ill tell you why. because i came to byuh in 2006 not knowing anyone, just being a soccer girl that was excited to be in hawaii playing soccer and living the dream. i had a roommate names Emily Mearns. and a best friend named Ashley Hunter. they have been on this road with me from the beginning, we each have learned, grown, time tested, cried, screamed, and cheered together and when i think about hawaii they are always a part of it. so now im sitting in hawaii, and the last two that started this journey with me are no longer here. how do i feel about that... i dont' like it one bit i want them back here with me. i want the drama of the house that i lived/couch crashed. i want the same personalities to be able to greet me when i walk in the door drenched from a tropical downpour! but alas, that will not be because change is a part of life and right now that change doesn't involve us being together. but that doesn't mean that i miss them any less.

My thoughts

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

that is what has been on my mind.... is it ok to shine? sometimes i feel like when i stand up for things that are important to me i am making someone else feel belittled... its like im rubbing it in someone else's face that i believe differently than them. i don't feel that way and i don't want them to think that way but when i say something they get " the look" i don't like that look "the look" says... sister hofheins is in missionary mode again, how to i respond to that... is it really or is that the real Cami coming through and i have just now begun to have the courage to do what i want to do. or am i just trying to be what i think i should and not necessarily what i want. what is the difference and how do you know when its you or when its someone else's influence on you, or....... your doing it because others expect it from you. i have always loved this quote but i makes me think of what my desires are and what my motivation is for doing the things that i do.... i hope and pray that by shinning others are able to shine, that would be the ideal. that would be the greatest motivation to shine because someone else will have the power to do the same. but how do you know? how do you know the power or influence of your choices. maybe you can't but thats just what has been on my mind....

what to do....

so update on my life... i have recently rediscovered a song that i have missed terribly but didn't realize it until i discovered it. ill have to tell you the story. i was amid the struggles of studying and wanted to get a break. so i went to the CAC to play on the practice pianos there cause i have recently rediscovered how much i love playing the piano. it really really calms my soul. so back to the story. i went over to play and after going through the two songs that i have to play i was still not feeling the calming that i needed. i decided to try and remember the feather song from forrest gump and maybe i would feel that calming feeling and i could get back to work. so as i start to try and play from memory i am having the hardest time being able to remember the sections of the song and for some reason its not sounding like the song that i was thinking. and yet my fingers are playing something that they know and all the while i am starting to try and figure out what it is that my fingers remember but my brain cannot seems to be able to put a name to this song. as i continue to piece together this mystery song, BANG it hits me. ITS CRISOFORI'S DREAM! one of the greatest songs that my brother had me get when i was still in high school. i remember when i learned it and how fun it was and how much i loved it and how much it gives me the greatest feeling of peace in my heart. so because i hadn't played it in forever i couldn't remember all the sections so immediately after playing it and feeling pretty good peace, decided that i needed to find the sheet music so i googled it, found it, and have played it almost everyday since and my heart feels so much better and i love it. so my rediscovery have been one of the greatest blessing in my life and has become one of my greatest passions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wxrB41PMhw... there you go, in case you haven't found it yet :)

Quarter of a Century

so for those of you that read this... you already know that it was by birthday yesterday. i turned a quarter of a century old yesterday. half way to 50 is what i keep telling everybody. :)

and by yesterday i mean last week.... im a bit late in posting them... but im trying

My team?

so today my soccer team played their first conference game, the first one where i was present but not on the team. i really didn't know how hard it was going to be. i thought that i was going to be ok. i mean, im the one that decided to not play right? i should be fine. well i wasn't fine. i started crying about 2 minutes into their warm up. all the memories of being a soccer player came rushing back into my memeory and as i was wollowing in my own self pity trying to remember why it was that i decided to not do one of the most important things to me i hear one of my now former teammates yell " cami, come here!" so i look over and she tells me to come over and asks me to lead the E Ku Mau Mau chant we do at the beginning of each game. i literally jumped up and ran into the circle. chanting with "my team" healed my heart! it made me feel a part of something. it made me realize that eventhough im not "on" the team that doesn't mean that i don't have them. when your on a team you build a foundation. this foundation doesn't go away just because circumstances change. they are a part of your life forever and i think thats what i need to be learning now. because times change and people change but that doesn't mean that what you shared together ever changes. so in memory of my former life as a BYUH Soccer player i have attached this video. it will forever be a part of my heart

a new life

so when you get off your mission you sit and try to prepare yourself for what it will be like when you change.. i don' think there is any possible way you can know just how much your life is going to change and how confused you are going to be and how alone you are going to feel 90% of the time.... shouldn't we be prepared for this somehow? i feel as if i missed that prep class.
so i am sitting in my new house with blue walls, wondering if im weird or not and thinking well weird or not at least im in hawaii and i can enjoy the beach and get a good tan while try to figure out what to do with the rest of my life... so my new life... the one with out the tag, its confusing and hard but if there is one thing that i learned its that i trust the Lord. so i guess ill go off that for a while.