one heart... two places....

so there is so much to update that i can't even begin to address that, but to sum it up, we were able to wrap up all of our projects. It was a bit of a whirlwind. We also went to kenya for a week which was really fun, it was nice to have a break from all the crazy country director stuff. I have loved all of the things that i learned from being a country director living in Uganda. I recently had my wrap up meeting with the HELP office and it made me reflect on a lot of things about my experience in Uganda.
I was in Uganda for over 6 months and it was one of the hardest experiences of my life. But like i have grown to know, the hardest experiences tend to be the ones you are most grateful for. Which is very much true in this case. And now becuase of the incredibly amazing expereince i have i now have no idea how to be ok with where i am at in life. there is a quote that HELP posted on facebook that says this.

Truer words were never written for my current situation. Life here isn't bad, but its NOT uganda, and my heart is not whole while i am here. So even though there are good things happening in my life here like, i got a job, i have a car, my family is doing great and i have THE CUTEST nieces and nephews in the world.... my heart is still not full. How do you overcome that? how do you find peace and happiness again? right now the only option i see is to fly back and be with my people again, but the man upstairs has a different path he wants to take me on. I have a feeling it will be just as hard, and tiring, and im trusting, and im hoping I will be just as grateful for it once i get to the other side.

 but that part of the story hasn't been written yet, so i will just have to wait and see...

Dilligence

Jacklyn one of the kids at the school next to the clinic

Went to the health clinic last week because we were having a meeting with the administrators and some people who may be helping to supply medications... don't know if they will follow through, but its worth talking about i have learned. So i was at the meeting and there was a woman there that works in setting up health clinics in Liberia and she was asking so many different question. As we were answering the question i had a "step back and see what is really happening here" moment and let me tell you, it was great!

Peter, one of the nurses at the clinic!

Tessla, one of the dedicated Administrators

I have been in Uganda for almost 10 months of the last year. When i first arrived in the Bunabuyoka village the people there said they needed a health clinic. So we said we would build them one. I have been in a lot of different Entrepreneurship classes and learned about how you should really care and help people and that you shouldn't give them a hand out because if you do then they wont see the value in it, they will only see what it is that you are giving them and they will eventually loose interest or ability to continue what it is that you started. And after the summer last year, it felt like that is exactly what the health clinic was going to be. Just another empty building. But as i sat in that meeting, looking at the faces that i had grown to call my friends. I realized that the people living in this village were never going to give up. We helped to build the building, but they were going to ensure that it stayed open. When buildings are left abandoned its because the community it was build for didn't see or understand the value of what was being created.

Checking in with the VHT

Mingling Porriage

The people in the Bunabuyoka village know EXACTLY how amazing it is to have health care in their county. To be able to only walk a half hour to a health care facility, instead of hours. The clinic sees over 100 patients a week, and it is only open 2 days a week. And the staff are working for the health clinic because their HEARTS want to give to the village. They want to see their children live long and happy lives.

The hearts of the people that are able to recieve the quality healthcare because of Zion Medical Community Clinic are what is going to keep this clinic alive. And i feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of it. I have learned so much as i have worked in helping the clinic continue to serve its people. I have seen so many selfless acts from each of the staff members.

On the Indiegogo site we have already raised almost $6000 dollars! Just being able to know that so many people are catching a glimpse at how incredible this is, melts my heart. I love these people. They have taught me many important lessons. Lessons i will NEVER be able to forget.

If you haven't yet, check out the Indiegogo site here. Its got a great video, and we only have 33 hours left. This is the last push to get the money needed to keep the clinic running. So many people have helped and I am incredibly thankful for that! please help us through the rest of this journey and reach out goal!

Sincere hearts

So the thing that is taking up my time/thoughts is the health clinic. We have launched our health clinic fundraiser. Its on Indiegogo and it is really important to me. Its only going to be up for 2 weeks so it’s a little crunch time to make sure that we get the money needed to get the health clinic through its crisis time. In case you didn’t hear, the funding we had for the health clinic fell through and so the health clinic is going into more and more debt each week that it operates. Sam and I have a long term sustainability plan, but it will not bring in money until January so we have to find a quick solution for the rest of the year. Which is all explained in the Indiegogo site so if you want to learn more about it click here.

Doesn't she have a contagious smile!

Today I was also at the clinic getting videos to post on the Indiegogo site asking the staff why they chose the medical profession and why they chose to work at Zion Medical Community Clinic. It was so awesome to hear their responses. I don’t think I ever really thought about asking them that question before. Their answers were so sweet! I remember Bilah one of the nurses in station 4 told me that she got into medicine because she wanted to be able to help people. She would see so much poverty and low quality healthcare that she wanted to be able to do something about it and that is why she decided she wanted to be a nurse. Being able to give the care needed was something that was so important to her. The crazy thing is it was like she was echoing my thoughts. I mean I have always known that I wanted to help people but it wasn’t until I was here in Uganda last year that the inability to provide actual treatment began to drive me nuts. So to fix this frustration I recently decided to go back to school and get my nursing degree. And the more I think about it I realized that it is for the exact same reasons! Which makes me so happy. I love these people. They have such genuine hearts! They have been working so hard since February and they have only been paid 2 times. That’s what I call dedication.

I am going to put together a video of the interviews with the staff on the Indiegogo site so check it out here.

If you could share the link with your friends that would be very much appreciated too. We have worked so hard to make this health clinic serve the people of Bunabuyoka, any little bit helps!!!!

oh that grin...

This is Hilda, she is growing to be one of my most favorite children. Her dad is John Peter and we work with him through HASNN. So I work with him A LOT! I frequent their house as well because their family is simply the best. They are always happy and they have such a good spirit in their home. I feel comfortable when I am there, even if they try to feed me and make sure I have a soda and try to pamper me I feel like it is a home away from home. And Hilda is one of the cutest people I have ever met! She has the best scowl and smile, which she only gives up on special occasions, or If I blow on her belly. That always seems to get a smile out of her.

But the reason for her mention is that she was one of the staple members during the HIV testing day that happened on Friday. Yep, it actually happened! Wahoo!!!! So excited about that. It was so great. We tested 270 people. 28 of them tested positive. Which is a little over 10% which is a really high number. But we are so grateful that we were able to test them because HASNN can now follow up with them and help them to live a happy positive life. I remember the first testing day that I did and how it literally sent me into my “deep thoughts and reflection cami time” it really made me think so differently. But now, I think I have come to be able to understand more fully what being HIV means, and really, if you catch it early and take your medication it is SO much better to know. It truly and honestly isn’t a death sentence. Only if you don’t take care of it does it progress to AIDS. But there are so many other diseases that can kill you and HIV shouldn’t be one of them. So I just wanted to let you all know that HIV testing happened and it went really well thanks for the project lead Alyssa. She worked so hard and it turned out amazing! 

This is most of the group that made it happen!!!!!

And some videos of me dancing with some of the kids in namatala... It was fun

Persistence

We are having a testing day on Friday, so excited its happening. We tried to have it a few weeks ago but the organization that we partnered with who was in charge of bringing the strips called 12 hours before we were going to have the testing to inform us that they didn't have the strips. Yeah, we were a little bit upset, BUT, despite the challenges we are planning to have it on Friday, lets hope that it goes off. ill try and get you an update on Saturday or Sunday.

Charles got in a bad car accident but he was determined to make it to the HASNN  meeting, He is one dedicated man!
He kept telling me that God needed him to stay here, and the he was a mircale. Such FAITH!

Also, we are going to be launching a health clinic fundraiser because the health clinic is in desperate need of some emergency funding. Samantha, my amazing other half here in Uganda wrote a GREAT post about the health clinic, i cant even attempt to describe it as accurately as she does so i am going to post a link so you can all read it if you would like. http://samanthamcrane.blogspot.com/

At one of our project sights PDI

lovin it here!

WATER FILTERS!!!!!!

                 
        Busy day at the health clinic
        

So i have come to my blog about 10 times in the last few weeks to try to write a blog and then i think that i don't have any idea where to start. i feel like my days have turned in to weeks and my weeks into days. We just brought in our second wave of volunteers and so that is both exciting and stressful. But they are great and eager to work. I was talking to Sam the other day talking about how nice it is to have people with the eager energy that comes from the new volunteers. I love seeing them process the life that happens here. We fed the street kids on sunday again and i loved watching the people that came for the first time to take in their surroundings, and the lives that many of the people live here. i forget that not everyone does this every week because it has become something that is a part of me now. 

The pic on the left is mine... i love the word HOPE, it says so much!

Jospeh took this picture.... he is getting better at aiming...

As I look back on the past weeks i just think about how much this place has become a home. I cant describe it. And i dont know why it is constantly hitting me that this place feels like home. but it is. I have had a few experiences that have made me think about why i really came out here. Why have i spent almost a year of my life living in a place where its always dirty, i ride on the back of motorcycles and sometimes get splashed by the car going by. I am constantly feeling overwhelmed with the poverty and hard lives that these incredible people have to live.

Some would say it was because i am getting too old and since i can't

These boys are always making fun pictures...

find a man i have decided to hide in Africa to play with African Children, (the kids are really cute...), some would say its because its a fun adventure to go on ( which i definately agree with), And some would say its a cool job. There are so many reasons as to why i could be out here. And recently i have felt like i needed to defend myself in why i came out here, and i don't' do it very eloquently. i stumble over my words and tell people it just feels right, like i am suppose to be here.  But as i have reflected on it more, i realize its because a part of my life has been leading up to these moments. The moments where i have a conversation with a child in the slums just by smiling at him. Or when i sit in a HASNN meeting and am overwhelmed with how much i admire and love the people i am working with. Or when the sunsets just right, and i am in a village and the kids are playing on the drums and dancing and that just feels normal. These experiences are showing me who my family is. not just my earthly family, but my eternal family. There are so many people in the world to learn from. And people i know we have known eachother before we came to this earth. And i needed to come out here to Uganda to find these people. They are a part of me, and i need them in my life to be able to do what i need to do while i am here. A lot of that is being a wife and mother, and part of that is bringing people that are not biologically mine under my care. And that is what helps to shape me. It is the incredible people that i have found here that help me to understand me.

This is Sister Barton, i absolutely adore her!!!!!

I have been in the Slum a lot the last few weeks and without fail whenever i go there is always a few kids, or adults that shout CAM as i am going by on a boda, or as i am walking to my next destination. I love it! i am a mzungu to a lot of the people here, but to a group of people, i am Cam, their friend. and i LOVE that!
I love being able to feel at home in place where my parents, and siblings are not and still be happy.

So the reason i am here is because it is a part of my life, its suppose to be a path that i walk in preparation for what lies ahead in my life, and to meet the people who will shape me to be the person that God needs me to be. I don't know how long i will be here, but it will be for as long as God needs me to be here. I think that is going to be my answer for now, in case you asked...

i really love this pic for some reason. Enoch is the one holding josephs legs. He lives in a home where his dad is a drunk and often doesn't come home, or feed the family. Living has gotten so bad that enoch deicded to go and live in a cave on the side of the mountain.... it made so much sense to him... we finally got him to go back home... he is only 12...

When you need a friend....

Sometimes when you get a call from someone they manage to say just the right words to send you into a mini panic. Today that happened. There is a woman here that I work with often. She has one of the most sincere and determined spirits ever! She has recently returned to school to finish high school after having 3 kids. Because of this decision she has had a rough road in the home life department. Her "husband" was less than thrilled about her going to school and in the past 3 months has been very vocal about it. He has told her on multiple occasions that she shouldn't go to school and that  she is too old and stupid to be able to finish school and that he will kick her out of the house if she doesn't quit. however, despite these threats her thirst for knowledge is too strong because she want to make a better life for her kids so she can't stop.

So today the call came that i guess i had been waiting for since learning about her home life. She called to inform me that her husband had officially kicked her out of the house and she has no where to sleep and she doesn't know what to do. Basically she has hit rock bottom and doesn't know how to climb back out. 

I have worked with a lot of people to help them in really crummy circumstances, but sitting on the bench with her as she crumbles under the thought of possibly loosing her kids because she wants to be educated so that she can provide for a better life for her kids was something that is hard to process. Because the laws here in Uganda give no rights to the mother over her kids. So even though she carried each of them in her belly for 9 months and has been working hard to scrape together enough money to provide for them food and school fees so that they can be educated, the man still has all the rights to do whatever he wants with the children. which means if he is angry enough at her to kick her out, he has all the "rights" to keep her from her kids as well arg, i could talk about how messed up that is, but it would just make me even more infuriated. so ill get back to the story.

I went and met her at the slums to talk with her about what was happening and see what i could do to help, So as i was sitting there trying to figure out how to help her i finally began to see her as a person. let me explain that. Being here in Uganda it is often hard not to look at a problem and see all the ways that money could fix it. and i think having been here for 3 months already my first thought is how much it would cost to fix such and such problem. So at first that was my initial thought. I was thinking, well, i wonder how much rent costs. I think i have 50,000 shillings in my wallet i wonder if that would cover a months rent and then we can figure out what to do. And then i would need to give her some food money so that she can feed herself and then her kids probably need food money too... and as i am thinking all of these things through i catch myself and think. Wait cami, if you were in America and one of your friends came to you with her problems what would your first thought be to do? it most certainly wouldn't be, well how much money do i need to give her to get her stable. It would be to LISTEN. listen to her problems, don't try to automatically fix them yourself. grieve with her as she opens her heart out to you about her concerns and worries and fears, and then help her to find her own solution. Listen and ask questions, but don't solve the problems for her, because she is the only one that can truly get herself out of the situation she is in. 

So i realized i was just a friend with a shoulder to cry on. She didnt' call me because she wanted me to throw money at her trials. She needed someone to talk to that would help her figure out what options she has. And so that is what we did. We talked and she was able to identify someone that might be willing to let her spend the night. And she was able to solve the immediate problem of where to sleep. Her heavy trials and burdens didn't automatically and magically get fixed because i talked to her. but she was standing a little bit taller when we walked out of the church we met it. And she seemed a little more confident in her ability to handle her situations. 

So, who knows what exactly will be her solution, but its nice to know that sometimes the thing that is most needed in a time of crisis, trials, and hardship, is a shoulder to cry on and  a listening ear. Not that i wouldn't mind giving that husband a piece of my mind and being the one that comes in and saves the day for a friend, I was able to help her see a little bit more of the incredible person she is and the amazing strength she has. 

I hope she continues to remember that. 

two cuties from church

i love the intensity in his eyes. 

This is Bella Megan, She was born just a few weeks ago and was given the name  by a former volunteer. Shes so cute!

A tender AHA moment

So, there was a really Amazing thing that happened a few days ago at and Executive Board meeting with HIV/Aids Support Network Namatala or HASNN for short.

So, I was meeting with the board and discussing about the demonstration passion fruit garden that we were going to begin the coming monday. We were going to begin digging because we had FINALLY procured a plot of land whoot whoot! So about half way through the meeting while we are talking about the logistics of what we need to do, someone brought up about how the woman that come to dig should be fed and given water. Now, this is something that is very common in Uganda. When there is an activity, the person hosting the activity feeds the people attending. It is VERY important to these people and causes A LOT of money to be spent to keep up this tradition. However, the person that was making the budget for the passion fruit had not budgeted a lunch. Which for me was completely ok, because this was a project for the people themselves and i didn't want to provide something that they couldn't provide for themselves. Because this is a demonstration teaching garden and they will be expected to do this on their own once they have finished the program. So, bringing up the need to feed all of the people that will show up became the main focus of the rest of the meeting. The conversation started like this.
"we need to feed the woman porriage, and water, and we need cups and plates to be able to provide all of this to them" the entire board turns to me and says "Cami, we need (insert an big amount of money) more money for the budget so that we can feed these woman" to which i replied, "because it wasn't in the budget we don't have the money to do it. I don't know what you want to do but this is something you will have to come up with." So they began brainstorming how to make it happen, but most of the brainstorm was how it wasn't going to work unless i gave them more money because of XYZ... to which i just sat back and didn't contribute deciding they were going to have to come up with something, i wasn't going to fix this problem with providing more money. so the conversation lasted for about 30 minutes...

The back of Fred, as he carries the hoes to dig for the passion fruit.

This is John Peter in the plot of land we got for the passion
Fruit before we did the digging.

And then the miracle happened. Fred, one of the SWEETEST men i know got a HUGE grin on his face and raised his hand saying, i have the solution that everyone is going to agree on! His face literally lite up! so once the others quieted down he got very serious and said, " These are our people, we as the board have decided that we want to help the people in this community. And WE are the solution. What we can do is pool our own money together to be able to provide the porridge and water to the women. We made the commitment to help these people. it is not Cami's job to take care of them, it is us" This made me choke up, these are OUR people. He was starting to take ownership of HASNN and the organization and what they were trying to do. Not what the muzungu's were trying to do, but what the board of HASNN wanted to do for the people of Namatala. And the response of the board almost make me cry (ok, lets be honest i shed a few tears, but i didn't let them see) because every single person on the board agreed to this. Not ONE raised an objection each of them were so excited about the AHA moment that Fred had.

Charles ready to shlash the weeds! 

So each in turn wrote down on a piece of paper what they could contribute to be able to get the porridge and water to the women that were going to dig. between the 6 of them they got the money needed to provide the food they felt the women deserved.

They were finally getting the picture. THEY ARE THE SOLUTION! that is one of the hardest things i have seen in development work. Getting the people you work with to take ownership of what they, and you, are trying to do. They always come to you with the problems, and then expect you to just throw money at it as the solution. But like Fred said, " WE are the solution" and that is 100% true. The people in the community that have the heart, desire, and usually the skills to make a difference are the ones that makes lasting change. "Muzungu's" come in trying to make changes but generally don't stick around long enough to make it happen, or just throw money at it until their funds dry up and say, welp, it was a valiant attempt. But at least it helped them for a bit.

John Peter slashing while we dig right behind him

But it is the people that are a part of the community that are going to make the biggest and lasting changes. They are the ones that will make it last, so that when the "Muzungu's" money runs out, it doesn't matter because....
THEY ARE THE SOLUTION!

It was a great moment to see them catching the vision!

The group that is officially part of the HASNN demonstration passion fruit garden!
In the the newly dug field, they worked SO hard! it was amazing!

Oh yeah, PS, we started the passion fruit demonstration garden, i will write another post explaining that whole AMAZING project..... :) 

Street Kids and Rain....

So yesterday we fed the street kids. and it was GREAT! the kids were so organized and we were able to give out 70 bags of food. meaning we fed 70 kids. And i had at least 10 or 20 of the kids come up to me afterwards and thank me for the food and asked for God to bless me. I think this was what hit me the most. Little children that live on the streets, with hardly enough food to stay alive. are asking God to bless me. They want Him to take care of me. Shouldn't i be asking God to bless them? Thats how great the people here are. Even the children have a faith in God under the worst of circumstances. I love it!

And also, As many of you know i sometimes get really wrapped up in helping people and i take on too much and am not able to fulfill on my own what is required of me. And always when i getting overwhelmed someone steps in to help and it works out even better if i had tried to do it myself.

Well,  we have a guard named David who is one of the greatest people i know. I would trust him with my life (o wait i already do every night)

Anyways, He and our cook Sam have been helping me with feeding the street kids and i just took it for granted. until yesterday, i realized just how important their help is. Because feeding the kids is quite a lengthy process let me give you an insight. First we buy around 5 kilos of beans. and 9 kilos of rice. You then sort through the beans because when you buy them they often have rocks and sticks in them. which can take about 20 minutes to sort through. And then, since i tend to forget to buy the beans throughout the week i have to buy the dried beans and they take about 6 hours to cook. then you have to time it right to make the rice to be done when the beans are done. and there is also a onion, tomatoe, and greenpepper sauce that you make to put in the beans once they are finished.

David and Sam packing the bags with rice and beans

So if i want to be on top of things i try to get the beans soaking before i go to church. Now, this hardly actually happens and what ends up happening is that David has already planned, without telling me, to wake up and get the beans ready and on the stove and get the rice all prepared and buy the time i get home from church he is already chopping the vegetables to prepare for the sauce. And everything needs to be prepared in plenty of time to finish by 7 when we go and feed the kids.
So i end up wander into the kitchen a few times and say, David, is there anything that i need to do? and he laughs at me and says, nope, got it taken care of. And then around 3 our cook Sam shows up, and although it is not written anywhere in his job description he helps David to cook the beans and prepare the rice. Now, it wasn't until yesterday that it hit me why they were putting so much time and effort into helping me. i realized, it wasn't that they were actually Helping me... they were helping the street kids. They wanted them to have food that night just as much, or maybe even more, than i did. And they had the knowledge and skills to make sure it happened. I just provided the opportunity for them to do it.



I think my favorite thing is that i often hear David talking to Sam saying, "No Sam, we have to make the beans as if we were making it for ourselves. I want to eat what we are feeding the kids. They should get the best" Thats when i realized, I have the greatest people around me. People who share my same desires! And are just wanting to help people. They are the greatest!

oh... and we got stuck in a massive downpour of rain on the way home from FHE. That was pretty entertaining .. i think my skirt got about 2 inches added to it by the rain :)

i kinda just look super sweaty....

David was wet with us, but he changed SUPER fast

Sam was so scared we were going to get him wet....

The ending and beginning....

So my team for the last two months has gone home and although they did give me a headache, i am finding that i often miss them. They were so much fun and we were so small at the end that we really got to know eachother well and i miss their loud voices in the hallways! Here's a quick snap shot of the fun times we had. 

We were so happy about chocolate chip cookies :) 

Jordan loved this find in the clothes donation bin.....

Now that the team is gone Samantha is here to keep me company, and we are so incredibly busy. We are meeting with potential partners all the time and there is so much work to be done in Mbale its incredible.

Shaky face pictures... 

Sam's shaky face... The kids loved it!

We have been working on a passion fruit garden with HASNN ( the HIV/Aids group) and we have FINALLY found some land for to begin. The cool thing about this garden is that it will be a demonstration garden. We have many many members, and so in a few weeks we will begin teaching them how to plant and grow passion fruit. Then once they have finished a planting, and we have harvested some of the fruit, we will teach them how to sell them in the market and all that jazz. And then when they “graduate” from the program we will give them a few seedlings for them to start their own passion fruit garden and begin making themselves more sustainable. I am so excited about this. It has been in the making for 2 months or so. Its great to see it finally come about.

On our way to check out some land.... love these guys!

The health clinic has run into some tough spots… the grant that we were counting on for the medications hasn’t been secured and we may not be able to rely on it for our medication funds. Which is a REALY BIG loss, so we are scraping together to try and find some funding. We are also still trying to find the funds for the staff to get paid their money for the work that they have done, which is turning out to be harder than expected. One thing that I am learning more and more about development work is that it is always a battle. You have to be willing to fight. There is a lot of risks when you are trying to make big changes and often times things don’t turn out the way you had planned. And it sometimes takes longer to get it going that you would like.  

It makes me reflect on why im here. Why is it worth sitting in front of a computer all the time searching for grants, and digging money from my own bank account to help get the health clinic medication, and then trek up the steepest hill known to man to get it to these people living in a remote village.  I mean they live in these small mud huts, with no electricity or running water. Where they have to walk at least a kilometer to get to the water source on the mountain to fill up their 10 liter jerrycan with less than clear water and hike back to provide water to their family for the day?  Sometimes i think its because i feel i am so blessed that i have an obligation to give back. Or I want to help them to better their lives because that is just what i have always wanted to do. Or because I have the resources to help. But the truth is, they give me happiness! Eventhough its tough, and some days i feel severely overwhelmed, the days of feeling overwhelmed don't even come close to the days that i see the happiness in a persons eye because they have been able to get the health care they need. Or the excitment when we tell the HASNN woman that we are doing a passion fruit garden and they start jumping up and down and doing the xena call :) i love it!
There is a happiness that fills my heart that can't be filled anywhere else! i love it! 

I remember having a conversation with my grandpa once where he talked about how people go and do humanitairan projects and most of the time they do it because they want to have the warm fuzzy's and they want to say that they did something good. I understand a little bit about where they are coming from. But when you live with the people and get to know them, and feel their hardships, and see their sorrows and pains, those warm fuzzy's mean so much more! its not a temporary feeling, it changes your heart. I

t doesn't just make it feel good, it makes you different, and you want to help others, not just build them a building, or give them food, but to help provide REAL change, because its the real change that keeps my heart filled with happiness!

making the kids porridge in the rain

joseph attacked me and i fell over :) 

We made them porridge, they were so excited!

My horrid attempt at dancing...