The Bus

so Katrina is not in working order and i have a nanny job at turtle bay. which is only about a 10 minute drive away when you have a car. but considering Katrina can function i have to submit myself to The Bus. Now this is not a catastrophe in an of itself, because i am completely ok with public transportation, its always interesting and fun and you get to meet interesting people. and in different countries it is the only mode of transportation. so can anyone tell me why it is causing me so much ANXIETY!!!!! i live right next to the bus stop, my house is even named the Bus stop house. which is probably one of the reasons it causes me so much anxiety. because i have been home since 2. and i don't have to work till 7 but i could tell you that the bus came at 2:56, 3:30, and 4:35, and the last one just passes at 5:40. The buses are really inconsistent and so i am terrified that i wont get there on time so its almost 6 and i am going to head out to the bus stop ( which is across from my house) and wait with anxiety for the bus to come. and i will either be incredibly early for the nanny job. or late. i hope its the first one. and can someone tell me when i got so anxious about being on time? I'm usually completely ok with being late, and yet i am sitting here watching each bus go by waiting for the one that i need to take. where has my mind gone?



The little roof on the top right, is the bus stop.... i have been staring at it for way too long!!!!!

Rain.....

When it rains it pours, i wish it would just stop.

one life long dream accomplished

so you know when you talk to someone and you tell them that you have alway wanted to do something that it seems like everyone else has done before and they say, are you serious? ill have to take you some time and your like. ok! thats awesome! and then it NEVER happens? well for me its horseback riding. all my life i have told anyone and everyone, when appropriate, that i have never ridden a horse before and they all have the same expression. are you serious? i know someone/ or i own a ranch ill have to take you sometime. they are usually serious or have the greatest intention of doing it but here i am 25 years old and up until april 1st, 2011 i had NEVER ridden a horse. until Jerilynn Loose came along. she asked me to go with her yesterday and i was so giddy and distracted the entire day until we went. and can i tell you, it was the best thing in the entire world! i absolutely LOVED it! my horses name was Prince, and i don't know if i imagined it or what but he had the same quirks as me. he kept tripping and he always seems to veer to the right... sound like anyone that you know :) it was everything that i could have ever imagined!!! so i asked jeri to take a pic and i was so excited that she accidently had it on video so i have a video of me on my horse so you can see just how giddy i was. and to end it i will let you know, i hope and plan to do it alot more often i can't believe i survived this long without riding. never again.

Katrina , how great thou art!

katrina, the truck of my heart, i have had her for 2 weeks and we have already had many adventures. Her first trip was to kahuku grilll where we got the best burgers i think on the island. she has faithfully brought me to and from school usually on time, depending on when i leave the house. the greatest of the adventures is when i have the wonderful privilage of getting in and out of Katrina, cause you see, katrina's driver side door is a little rusted, ok i mean very rusted, she doesn't open. that doesn't mean she can't however, i fear that if i did the door would fall off and i would have to drive without a door.


so to be able to get into my beloved truck, i climb in the passenger side door. which works pretty good as long as im not in a dress. but never the less she is my greatest adventure that i am looking forward to having her bring me many many happy moments. and laughs and giggles.

friendships

so i am back living in the blessed island of oahu, loving the sun, and enjoying the amazing education that i am so privilaged to get here. so why do i feel sad.... ill tell you why. because i came to byuh in 2006 not knowing anyone, just being a soccer girl that was excited to be in hawaii playing soccer and living the dream. i had a roommate names Emily Mearns. and a best friend named Ashley Hunter. they have been on this road with me from the beginning, we each have learned, grown, time tested, cried, screamed, and cheered together and when i think about hawaii they are always a part of it. so now im sitting in hawaii, and the last two that started this journey with me are no longer here. how do i feel about that... i dont' like it one bit i want them back here with me. i want the drama of the house that i lived/couch crashed. i want the same personalities to be able to greet me when i walk in the door drenched from a tropical downpour! but alas, that will not be because change is a part of life and right now that change doesn't involve us being together. but that doesn't mean that i miss them any less.

My thoughts

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

that is what has been on my mind.... is it ok to shine? sometimes i feel like when i stand up for things that are important to me i am making someone else feel belittled... its like im rubbing it in someone else's face that i believe differently than them. i don't feel that way and i don't want them to think that way but when i say something they get " the look" i don't like that look "the look" says... sister hofheins is in missionary mode again, how to i respond to that... is it really or is that the real Cami coming through and i have just now begun to have the courage to do what i want to do. or am i just trying to be what i think i should and not necessarily what i want. what is the difference and how do you know when its you or when its someone else's influence on you, or....... your doing it because others expect it from you. i have always loved this quote but i makes me think of what my desires are and what my motivation is for doing the things that i do.... i hope and pray that by shinning others are able to shine, that would be the ideal. that would be the greatest motivation to shine because someone else will have the power to do the same. but how do you know? how do you know the power or influence of your choices. maybe you can't but thats just what has been on my mind....

what to do....

so update on my life... i have recently rediscovered a song that i have missed terribly but didn't realize it until i discovered it. ill have to tell you the story. i was amid the struggles of studying and wanted to get a break. so i went to the CAC to play on the practice pianos there cause i have recently rediscovered how much i love playing the piano. it really really calms my soul. so back to the story. i went over to play and after going through the two songs that i have to play i was still not feeling the calming that i needed. i decided to try and remember the feather song from forrest gump and maybe i would feel that calming feeling and i could get back to work. so as i start to try and play from memory i am having the hardest time being able to remember the sections of the song and for some reason its not sounding like the song that i was thinking. and yet my fingers are playing something that they know and all the while i am starting to try and figure out what it is that my fingers remember but my brain cannot seems to be able to put a name to this song. as i continue to piece together this mystery song, BANG it hits me. ITS CRISOFORI'S DREAM! one of the greatest songs that my brother had me get when i was still in high school. i remember when i learned it and how fun it was and how much i loved it and how much it gives me the greatest feeling of peace in my heart. so because i hadn't played it in forever i couldn't remember all the sections so immediately after playing it and feeling pretty good peace, decided that i needed to find the sheet music so i googled it, found it, and have played it almost everyday since and my heart feels so much better and i love it. so my rediscovery have been one of the greatest blessing in my life and has become one of my greatest passions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wxrB41PMhw... there you go, in case you haven't found it yet :)