A tender AHA moment

So, there was a really Amazing thing that happened a few days ago at and Executive Board meeting with HIV/Aids Support Network Namatala or HASNN for short.

So, I was meeting with the board and discussing about the demonstration passion fruit garden that we were going to begin the coming monday. We were going to begin digging because we had FINALLY procured a plot of land whoot whoot! So about half way through the meeting while we are talking about the logistics of what we need to do, someone brought up about how the woman that come to dig should be fed and given water. Now, this is something that is very common in Uganda. When there is an activity, the person hosting the activity feeds the people attending. It is VERY important to these people and causes A LOT of money to be spent to keep up this tradition. However, the person that was making the budget for the passion fruit had not budgeted a lunch. Which for me was completely ok, because this was a project for the people themselves and i didn't want to provide something that they couldn't provide for themselves. Because this is a demonstration teaching garden and they will be expected to do this on their own once they have finished the program. So, bringing up the need to feed all of the people that will show up became the main focus of the rest of the meeting. The conversation started like this.
"we need to feed the woman porriage, and water, and we need cups and plates to be able to provide all of this to them" the entire board turns to me and says "Cami, we need (insert an big amount of money) more money for the budget so that we can feed these woman" to which i replied, "because it wasn't in the budget we don't have the money to do it. I don't know what you want to do but this is something you will have to come up with." So they began brainstorming how to make it happen, but most of the brainstorm was how it wasn't going to work unless i gave them more money because of XYZ... to which i just sat back and didn't contribute deciding they were going to have to come up with something, i wasn't going to fix this problem with providing more money. so the conversation lasted for about 30 minutes...

The back of Fred, as he carries the hoes to dig for the passion fruit.

This is John Peter in the plot of land we got for the passion
Fruit before we did the digging.

And then the miracle happened. Fred, one of the SWEETEST men i know got a HUGE grin on his face and raised his hand saying, i have the solution that everyone is going to agree on! His face literally lite up! so once the others quieted down he got very serious and said, " These are our people, we as the board have decided that we want to help the people in this community. And WE are the solution. What we can do is pool our own money together to be able to provide the porridge and water to the women. We made the commitment to help these people. it is not Cami's job to take care of them, it is us" This made me choke up, these are OUR people. He was starting to take ownership of HASNN and the organization and what they were trying to do. Not what the muzungu's were trying to do, but what the board of HASNN wanted to do for the people of Namatala. And the response of the board almost make me cry (ok, lets be honest i shed a few tears, but i didn't let them see) because every single person on the board agreed to this. Not ONE raised an objection each of them were so excited about the AHA moment that Fred had.

Charles ready to shlash the weeds! 

So each in turn wrote down on a piece of paper what they could contribute to be able to get the porridge and water to the women that were going to dig. between the 6 of them they got the money needed to provide the food they felt the women deserved.

They were finally getting the picture. THEY ARE THE SOLUTION! that is one of the hardest things i have seen in development work. Getting the people you work with to take ownership of what they, and you, are trying to do. They always come to you with the problems, and then expect you to just throw money at it as the solution. But like Fred said, " WE are the solution" and that is 100% true. The people in the community that have the heart, desire, and usually the skills to make a difference are the ones that makes lasting change. "Muzungu's" come in trying to make changes but generally don't stick around long enough to make it happen, or just throw money at it until their funds dry up and say, welp, it was a valiant attempt. But at least it helped them for a bit.

John Peter slashing while we dig right behind him

But it is the people that are a part of the community that are going to make the biggest and lasting changes. They are the ones that will make it last, so that when the "Muzungu's" money runs out, it doesn't matter because....
THEY ARE THE SOLUTION!

It was a great moment to see them catching the vision!

The group that is officially part of the HASNN demonstration passion fruit garden!
In the the newly dug field, they worked SO hard! it was amazing!

Oh yeah, PS, we started the passion fruit demonstration garden, i will write another post explaining that whole AMAZING project..... :) 

Street Kids and Rain....

So yesterday we fed the street kids. and it was GREAT! the kids were so organized and we were able to give out 70 bags of food. meaning we fed 70 kids. And i had at least 10 or 20 of the kids come up to me afterwards and thank me for the food and asked for God to bless me. I think this was what hit me the most. Little children that live on the streets, with hardly enough food to stay alive. are asking God to bless me. They want Him to take care of me. Shouldn't i be asking God to bless them? Thats how great the people here are. Even the children have a faith in God under the worst of circumstances. I love it!

And also, As many of you know i sometimes get really wrapped up in helping people and i take on too much and am not able to fulfill on my own what is required of me. And always when i getting overwhelmed someone steps in to help and it works out even better if i had tried to do it myself.

Well,  we have a guard named David who is one of the greatest people i know. I would trust him with my life (o wait i already do every night)

Anyways, He and our cook Sam have been helping me with feeding the street kids and i just took it for granted. until yesterday, i realized just how important their help is. Because feeding the kids is quite a lengthy process let me give you an insight. First we buy around 5 kilos of beans. and 9 kilos of rice. You then sort through the beans because when you buy them they often have rocks and sticks in them. which can take about 20 minutes to sort through. And then, since i tend to forget to buy the beans throughout the week i have to buy the dried beans and they take about 6 hours to cook. then you have to time it right to make the rice to be done when the beans are done. and there is also a onion, tomatoe, and greenpepper sauce that you make to put in the beans once they are finished.

David and Sam packing the bags with rice and beans

So if i want to be on top of things i try to get the beans soaking before i go to church. Now, this hardly actually happens and what ends up happening is that David has already planned, without telling me, to wake up and get the beans ready and on the stove and get the rice all prepared and buy the time i get home from church he is already chopping the vegetables to prepare for the sauce. And everything needs to be prepared in plenty of time to finish by 7 when we go and feed the kids.
So i end up wander into the kitchen a few times and say, David, is there anything that i need to do? and he laughs at me and says, nope, got it taken care of. And then around 3 our cook Sam shows up, and although it is not written anywhere in his job description he helps David to cook the beans and prepare the rice. Now, it wasn't until yesterday that it hit me why they were putting so much time and effort into helping me. i realized, it wasn't that they were actually Helping me... they were helping the street kids. They wanted them to have food that night just as much, or maybe even more, than i did. And they had the knowledge and skills to make sure it happened. I just provided the opportunity for them to do it.



I think my favorite thing is that i often hear David talking to Sam saying, "No Sam, we have to make the beans as if we were making it for ourselves. I want to eat what we are feeding the kids. They should get the best" Thats when i realized, I have the greatest people around me. People who share my same desires! And are just wanting to help people. They are the greatest!

oh... and we got stuck in a massive downpour of rain on the way home from FHE. That was pretty entertaining .. i think my skirt got about 2 inches added to it by the rain :)

i kinda just look super sweaty....

David was wet with us, but he changed SUPER fast

Sam was so scared we were going to get him wet....

The ending and beginning....

So my team for the last two months has gone home and although they did give me a headache, i am finding that i often miss them. They were so much fun and we were so small at the end that we really got to know eachother well and i miss their loud voices in the hallways! Here's a quick snap shot of the fun times we had. 

We were so happy about chocolate chip cookies :) 

Jordan loved this find in the clothes donation bin.....

Now that the team is gone Samantha is here to keep me company, and we are so incredibly busy. We are meeting with potential partners all the time and there is so much work to be done in Mbale its incredible.

Shaky face pictures... 

Sam's shaky face... The kids loved it!

We have been working on a passion fruit garden with HASNN ( the HIV/Aids group) and we have FINALLY found some land for to begin. The cool thing about this garden is that it will be a demonstration garden. We have many many members, and so in a few weeks we will begin teaching them how to plant and grow passion fruit. Then once they have finished a planting, and we have harvested some of the fruit, we will teach them how to sell them in the market and all that jazz. And then when they “graduate” from the program we will give them a few seedlings for them to start their own passion fruit garden and begin making themselves more sustainable. I am so excited about this. It has been in the making for 2 months or so. Its great to see it finally come about.

On our way to check out some land.... love these guys!

The health clinic has run into some tough spots… the grant that we were counting on for the medications hasn’t been secured and we may not be able to rely on it for our medication funds. Which is a REALY BIG loss, so we are scraping together to try and find some funding. We are also still trying to find the funds for the staff to get paid their money for the work that they have done, which is turning out to be harder than expected. One thing that I am learning more and more about development work is that it is always a battle. You have to be willing to fight. There is a lot of risks when you are trying to make big changes and often times things don’t turn out the way you had planned. And it sometimes takes longer to get it going that you would like.  

It makes me reflect on why im here. Why is it worth sitting in front of a computer all the time searching for grants, and digging money from my own bank account to help get the health clinic medication, and then trek up the steepest hill known to man to get it to these people living in a remote village.  I mean they live in these small mud huts, with no electricity or running water. Where they have to walk at least a kilometer to get to the water source on the mountain to fill up their 10 liter jerrycan with less than clear water and hike back to provide water to their family for the day?  Sometimes i think its because i feel i am so blessed that i have an obligation to give back. Or I want to help them to better their lives because that is just what i have always wanted to do. Or because I have the resources to help. But the truth is, they give me happiness! Eventhough its tough, and some days i feel severely overwhelmed, the days of feeling overwhelmed don't even come close to the days that i see the happiness in a persons eye because they have been able to get the health care they need. Or the excitment when we tell the HASNN woman that we are doing a passion fruit garden and they start jumping up and down and doing the xena call :) i love it!
There is a happiness that fills my heart that can't be filled anywhere else! i love it! 

I remember having a conversation with my grandpa once where he talked about how people go and do humanitairan projects and most of the time they do it because they want to have the warm fuzzy's and they want to say that they did something good. I understand a little bit about where they are coming from. But when you live with the people and get to know them, and feel their hardships, and see their sorrows and pains, those warm fuzzy's mean so much more! its not a temporary feeling, it changes your heart. I

t doesn't just make it feel good, it makes you different, and you want to help others, not just build them a building, or give them food, but to help provide REAL change, because its the real change that keeps my heart filled with happiness!

making the kids porridge in the rain

joseph attacked me and i fell over :) 

We made them porridge, they were so excited!

My horrid attempt at dancing...

Letters from Esther

So, Last week as we were finding a new place to live, and helping one of our volunteers to get healthy so she could go back to America, i was feeling a little bit stressed :) ok a lot bit stressed. It seemed that all the things i was trying to do weren't helping and i didn't know if I had to energy to keep going. Not to sound dramatic, i was just tired, emotionally and physically. But like everyone does, you just pick yourself back up and keep walking.  And as i thought about the things that happened and the stresses in my life i looked at the incredible people around me. And thought about the things that they go through on a DAILY basis.

I was talking to a woman that I get my pictures printed off at almost every week, I walked in and we did the usual hello, how are you? I'm ok how are you? but this time instead of saying im fine i said " life is ok, really stressful but it will be ok." to which she asked the details and i told her. Not thinking that i was trying to throw a pity party but it kinda started sounding that way and i was given the proper sympathy. When i asked her how she was she said. I'm ok, i prodded her to find out why she was just ok, and not fine. to which she casually mentioned the two of her brothers got into accidents and are in intensive care in Kampala.... i obviously felt horrible for talking about my problems and yet  the way she told me about her struggles it was so matter of fact. with no need for sympathy. It was just a fact of life. I realized just how much struggles a typical Ugandan goes through and once again was humbled by the strength of the people here. I sit and complain to anyone that will listen about my petty struggles and frustrations, while the people here who are really struggling keep quiet, and work hard to provide for their families. They have such an inner courage that amazes me and they don't even realize it!

Such a cute model :) 

Sweet Simon, i caught him making his own kite.
 He is such an incredibly happy kid,
who can always put a smile on your face and heart!

I was in church on sunday and an 18 year old girl wrote this letter in my notebook. She was one of the few that didn't know all of my stresses and frustrations, but i think somehow she knew... it goes like this.

Beyond the horizon, you hear a horn calling from a far awaking you to a new sense of responsibility. Sincerely you feel your bones are too weak to stand and as you continue thinking a few words cross your mind from an old song once sung. 

"Set your heart towards danger, Set your mind towards victory. 

Step follows Step

Courage follows Courage "

And then a new strength awakes you and there you are cammy, the Journey does not matter it is the first step that is the hardest.

One of the MANY non finished homes in Mbale

How does an 18 year old have such wise words? This instantly calmed my heart and it has been something that i think about each day when i start to feel overwhelmed. This wonderful girl Esther knows about trials, knows about struggles, and most importantly, knows how to keep going. That is one of the precious gems about the people here. No matter the struggles, not matter the stress, or fear, or heartache, They know how to keep going. and that gives them the strength they need. So I am going to try and keep the same code. To keep going, not matter the trials, no matter how hard the road. it will turn out all right in the end. 

Laundry Day

He wanted to make sure he was in the picture. Such a sweet kid!!

Only source of water for the Bunabuyoka Village

Mzungue Give me Money.....

So, the past few days i have been spending a lot of time with our HIV Support Group. Let me give you the background of this group because i don't think i have yet. When i was here last year with Kara and Holly and we did the HIV testing day, (if you have read my blog before im sure you read that post) well, having the aftermath of trying to follow up with everyone that tested positive proved to be much harder than i had anticipated and we struggled a lot. So what holly, Kara and I decided was that we would create a support group. This was towards the end when we were leaving so we just got to have a lot of meetings about it and weren't able to really get the support group up and running.
Well, since holly stayed behind miracles have happened. We have officially begun our own support group called HIV Aids Support Network Namatala or for short HASNN. When i got here this year Holly have finally just registered the group and so we have been having meetings, we started a SACCO which is a savings and loan program so that the woman can start saving their money and then do micro-loans... its AMAZING!!!!! we had a meeting a few days ago where the members asked if they could sign their children up for a SACCO too because they want them to have a better future. It has been fabulous and i have loved it! we had another testing last saturday and it was great! we had 200 people come and there were 13 people that tested positive, but because we have the support group it is a good thing that they found out because now they can take care of themselves and make sure that they can continue to have a bright future!!!!! Its the greatest!!!!!

Some of the HASNN executive board members and Holly!

But i had a very humbling experience a few days ago. We had just had a board meeting where our HIV board was hounding us asking when everyone was going to get their "appreciation" which means paid. They have been working for free as volunteers but we promised them that we would give them an appreciation until we found proper funding so we have been trying to hash out how we would do it and how much is acceptable and affordable by us and i was feeling INCREDIBLY overwhelmed and frustrated because by the end of the meeting we had still not come to a conclusion but everyone was getting frustrated so we decided to call the meeting and meet again the next day. So as i was walking out of the building i run into this woman who in a very quiet voice says "excuse me, can i ask you a question?" Now, i was feeling really frustrated at the moment and said " if you going to ask me for money i don't have any" yeah i know, really really rude, but thats how frustrated i was feeling. Immediately after i said it she was like "No, No, No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you could get me connected up with the woman that do the beading because i want to be a part of that"
My heart IMMEDIATELY melted. How could i be so rude. i feel stupid even thinking about it right now. So i said, 1000 Shillings will be coming back in the summer and i can bring them to you to get connected with them because i don't have the ability to do it myself. She was so grateful! So we continued to talk and she introduced her self to me as Katherine, and she thought my name was hard so i just told her to call me Cam. And then she began describing how to get to her house, so that i could take 1000 Shillings there in June.

Ado, One of the beading ladies kids, I heard her speak english the first time yesterday and it was SO cute and clear! love her!!!!!!!

It was such a humbling experience to remember that the people i work with really don't have much and they are trying to provide for their families. And this great woman was getting out of her comfortable zone for her family in asking a Muzunge to get her connected with the beading ladies. I could tell she was a little embarrassed and im sure it didn't help that i was abbrasive at the beginning but the love for her family gave her the courage to talk to me and it has reminded me to remember why i am here and how incredible these people are! no matter how long i am with them every day they seem to amaze and surprise me! I am going to make sure to listen to what each person has to say before i jump to conclusions!

Don't know what to title it.....

UPDATE!!!!

Saturday i was able to see Suzan, She is a woman that lives in namatala and she was pregnant the last time i came here. She had her baby a few weeks before i left. So i went back to visit her, she is so sweet, I happened upon her when she was making food so she insisted that i eat with her. I wasn't hungry at all, and i try not to eat food in the slum for health reasons :) But i did accept the offer of milk because i didn't want to offend her. so i had milk she thought it was funny that i wanted it cold. she boiled hers. Which i think is much safer, but i couldn't imagine drinking warm milk. i remember the first time i walked pass her house, she called out to me and asked if i would be her friend. This is not uncommon, so i was like, yes, that sounds great. And somehow we started to become friends and now she was one of the first people that i wanted see. it is funny how friendships are made. 

On Sunday I was able to meet everyone at the branch again. It was so much fun. We meet in a new building and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!!! i think its one the prettiest churches. and its very big. i love it!!!! Pius turned his papers in on Saturday, so that is exciting! it was testimony meeting so it was great to be able to hear them share their testimonies. Some of them are so simple. I love it! and then there is also the Ugandan that gets up and preaches about something that no one really understands but he is speaking very loudly and then walk off and no one has any idea what he said but he defiantly had some passion :)  

Health Clinic meetings... awesome. everything is falling into place. i will be going up on wednesday. Definately more to blog about once i come back because i will get to see Joseph and also see out health clinic up and running... pics to follow for sure!!!! we have a cool rotating schedule. 5 stations. its a teaching clinic as well as a health clinic. We want to make sure they are informed about what they are getting treated for! So at the last station they are surveyed about what treatments they were getting, and their understanding of what that means. If they don't understand then they go back through the stations to make sure that they understand their treatments. This makes me so excited. Heatlh Education i think is just as important as getting treatment. Super Excited. Also, some AWESOME EXCITING NEWS We got a grant for the health clinic that will cover our medications! This is a huge blessing. Now all that HELP has to cover is the salaries of the employees. YAHOO!!!!!!!!!

So another thing that made confirmed to me that i love this place. I was walking in Namatala on saturday, to go and see susan and as i was walking i passed a woman and she screamed, CAM i was so excited! they remembered me. She then proceeded to make sure that she brought me back to their community and i realized it was a place where we had put a water filter last year!!!!. But it was great! they still remembered me!!!! I LOVE UGANDA!!!!!!!!!

Reunited and it feels so good!!!

As I was sitting on the plane from Amsterdam to Uganda I was in a somewhat awake state. Thinking about what it will be like to be back, how I'll feel, with questions like, will they remember me. Will I be able to be a leader with the new team when they don't even know me?  And then I hear a man behind me speaking about God and how you need to listen to him and preaching to this guy that doesn't know how to handle him because everything he says is contradicted by the preacher .
And the only thing I could think of after that.
Man it's good to be back. :) I couldn't get the grin off my face from that time forward  because it didn't matter at that moment how it was gonna go, what people were gonna think, because I was coming back and I knew my heart could be at peace again.

So it was a long trip back to Mbale ad I was crazy tired from lack of sleep but too excited and full of adrenaline to actually go to sleep. Met my awesome team. And had a few meetings about the health clinic, stayed awake long enough to eats Sams food an then crashed and woke up 12 hours later. We have a million of meetings today and getting connected(yes Em I jut said that) up with my friends again. So I'll keep ya updated but the best news is......

I'm back and life feels balanced again... At least for the moment. :)