Letters from Esther

So, Last week as we were finding a new place to live, and helping one of our volunteers to get healthy so she could go back to America, i was feeling a little bit stressed :) ok a lot bit stressed. It seemed that all the things i was trying to do weren't helping and i didn't know if I had to energy to keep going. Not to sound dramatic, i was just tired, emotionally and physically. But like everyone does, you just pick yourself back up and keep walking.  And as i thought about the things that happened and the stresses in my life i looked at the incredible people around me. And thought about the things that they go through on a DAILY basis.

I was talking to a woman that I get my pictures printed off at almost every week, I walked in and we did the usual hello, how are you? I'm ok how are you? but this time instead of saying im fine i said " life is ok, really stressful but it will be ok." to which she asked the details and i told her. Not thinking that i was trying to throw a pity party but it kinda started sounding that way and i was given the proper sympathy. When i asked her how she was she said. I'm ok, i prodded her to find out why she was just ok, and not fine. to which she casually mentioned the two of her brothers got into accidents and are in intensive care in Kampala.... i obviously felt horrible for talking about my problems and yet  the way she told me about her struggles it was so matter of fact. with no need for sympathy. It was just a fact of life. I realized just how much struggles a typical Ugandan goes through and once again was humbled by the strength of the people here. I sit and complain to anyone that will listen about my petty struggles and frustrations, while the people here who are really struggling keep quiet, and work hard to provide for their families. They have such an inner courage that amazes me and they don't even realize it!

Such a cute model :) 

Sweet Simon, i caught him making his own kite.
 He is such an incredibly happy kid,
who can always put a smile on your face and heart!

I was in church on sunday and an 18 year old girl wrote this letter in my notebook. She was one of the few that didn't know all of my stresses and frustrations, but i think somehow she knew... it goes like this.

Beyond the horizon, you hear a horn calling from a far awaking you to a new sense of responsibility. Sincerely you feel your bones are too weak to stand and as you continue thinking a few words cross your mind from an old song once sung. 

"Set your heart towards danger, Set your mind towards victory. 

Step follows Step

Courage follows Courage "

And then a new strength awakes you and there you are cammy, the Journey does not matter it is the first step that is the hardest.

One of the MANY non finished homes in Mbale

How does an 18 year old have such wise words? This instantly calmed my heart and it has been something that i think about each day when i start to feel overwhelmed. This wonderful girl Esther knows about trials, knows about struggles, and most importantly, knows how to keep going. That is one of the precious gems about the people here. No matter the struggles, not matter the stress, or fear, or heartache, They know how to keep going. and that gives them the strength they need. So I am going to try and keep the same code. To keep going, not matter the trials, no matter how hard the road. it will turn out all right in the end. 

Laundry Day

He wanted to make sure he was in the picture. Such a sweet kid!!

Only source of water for the Bunabuyoka Village

I know my status... and it was a long road to get there...

When i first got to the woman's health class and we talked about HIV i was completely unprepared. To be honest i didn't have enough time to help Kara to prepare the curriculum i was planning on having Kara talk most of the time. She did a great job and the class was really excited about the testing. The best part was she raised her hand and said, when can we get tested. We were so excited about that question because we had been mulling around the idea of having an HIV testing day. Having such a positive reaction made me excited to actually go through with trying to put together the testing day. One of the Country Directors Holly had worked with a an HIV agency or something and knew so much about it and so with the right motivation we set to work to make it happen. We taught the rest of the woman's health classes and talked with the Aids Information Center that would be giving the HIV testing, providing counseling, and treatment. All for free. This was very exciting. So about a week ago with just a week to go we had made "I know my status" handkerchiefs that we gave out as an incentive for coming.

The registration process to help us with the HIV support group...

These people were waiting for their test results.... I kind of know how they are feeling......

So on the day of the testing it went really really well! all of us that were working had decided that we would get tested to help the people feel more comfortable and we were also nervous that people weren't  gong to come so we thought that if they knew that mzungu's were getting tested then they might come.
And let me tell you it was a roller coaster of emotions for me. All the week leading up to it i was completely comfortable with it because there was no possible way that i would have HIV. but on that day i started to get incredibly nervous, i started thinking, i went to the hospital last week and got some blood work, they put a needle in me what if it was infected and now i am HIV.... i don't think i can handle that. or what if there was some other random way it was transmitted.... i started thinking of all of the possibilities of how i could come up positive. And i got so nervous i didn't want to get tested.
everyone that was working that day had all gone and gotten tested, and i felt so nervous in my stomach. But everyone kept telling me it was going to be fine and i should just go and do it. So i finally went in and was incredibly nervous.

We handed out some fun posters, condoms, a pamphlet and the awesome hankies.

Holly having the awkward counseling lady

They have you go to a counselor first and i felt so awkward as she was asking me questions like when the last time i had had sex was, and if i had a boyfriend, and how many partners have i had..... i am sure she thought i was lying when i told her i ahve had no partners and i don't have a boyfriend either. and i remember thinking... even in i did, i don't think i would have told her. she was a perfect stranger. So got through that incredibly awkward experience and then they sent me to the guy to prick my finger and do the actual testing. i sat there with the biggest butterflies in my stomach, i was even arguing in my head to calm down, i know i didn't have HIV. So we did the test, which when he pricks your finger KILLS i was not expecting it to hurt that bad. i have a pic of my reaction. But when i got the test back and it was negative, i was so relieved. i felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. it was a great relief. and then i started thinking...

We really liked the hankie idea :) 

how would i have handled that if there were a possiblity of me being positive. first off i don't know if i would have had the courage to go. even with all the knowldege that i have gained in teaching about HIV and how its not a lie sentence. i still don't know if i would have the strength to go. It made me think of a few of the woman that we work really closely with that didn't have the happy announcement that i did that was negative. They were positive. There were two woman that i am particulaly attached to and it hit me. their lives are changed forever by this simple test. Something that takes 10 minutes can alter your life dramatically and i was bringing that change in to their lives. these two woman now have the added stress in their life to make sure that they get their treatment, which they have to pay for, which they don't have the money to do. And their sicknesses are taken more serious, they have to be more careful when they get a simple but on their hand, or if they scrape their knee they have to be cautious. Long were the days where they could be carefree in that way.

Her mother was getting tested and so we were glad to keep her occupied until she was done :) 

I went in knowing that there was no possible way for me to be positive and yet i almost didn't have the strength to do it. i commend the ones that came with the possiblity of them being positive, it took so much courage. They knew that it was more important to be informed and take care of it so that they could provide for their families and be around long enough to hopefully see their children grow up.
I know that some of the people that came were very very surprised when they found out they were positive, either because they were in a very stable marriage and their partner was negative when they got married and the results came back positive. which brings on a whole other set of questions.
or you are a mother that is working very hard everyday to provide for you kids and you are starting to get on top of providing for your children and then you find out that your positive.
We tested 317 people from the Namatala slum and only 12 people came back positive. Which when you look at the percentage that is less than 4% of HIV in namatala. But to the lives of the 12 people, their lives have been changed forever. My hope is that we will be able to continue to give them counseling and knowledge so that those 12 can be given the support that they need and be able to continue to be there for their children and live their lives to the fullest.

I was so nervous and i wasn't very good at hiding it....

i wasn't brave, that prick on the finger REALLY REALLY hurt.

I have a new respect for the strength it takes to be willing to receive information that at first will feel like your world is crushed, but then you pick yourself back up, remember the things that you have to do in life and keep moving. It really is better to know, even if the knowledge is scary. I don't think i could have comprehended just how much doing this HIV testing would effect my life but it has. And i am grateful for the experience.

water filters

Water filters!!!!! I am really excited, because a project that i have been working on since i got here is finally starting to see results. ill give you a little backgroud. When i first got here to Mbale we were taken by one of our previous partners Child of Hope to tour around the Namatala Slums... yeah, that name probably sounds familiar because now a days its where i spend most of my time. So we went and saw where previous Help volunteers had implemented water filters, and they were doing great! So since then me and Kara and actually most of the team have been working to be able to get water filters in the slums. i remember first having a frank conversation with Philip, (the MAN! i think i posted a pic of him last time) After we had begun teaching sanitation in the community in preparation of talking with them about water filters. We had been trying to figure out how many filters we needed and could not get a number... and it was getting really frustrating trying to create a project without a number to work with. So i finally said Philip, i know you have a number in your head of how many filters you would like to have... just tell me that number so that i have something to work with. He finally very very shyly said... 50....Great! so basically as many as possible, so we went back to the team and researched and looked at prices and tried to figure out just how many water filters we could get. 

She's got a itch, but shes is so cute!!!

Doesn't she just have such a great pose, and i love the brother in the background trying to not be interested but completely is.

So.... after many many weeks i am so excited to report that we will be putting 30 filters in Namatala!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah i am so excited about it. We had started to identify communities where we would implement the water filters. I have been teaching about sanitation and it was the best when we went back they had kept their jerri cans clean and they were trying their best do be more sanitary. So we told them that if they were willing we wanted to bring in a water filter for their community. it was cute because as i was telling them and the interpreter was interpreting i was waiting for that moment when they would get all excited and say YES! but they just smiled and in a soft voice was like yes, that would be great. i felt like i was more excited than they were so i asked them if they were excited and it was so sweet. this one woman named Peace said, we are so happy inside we dont' know how to show it outside. my heart melted. i love doing what i am doing! i will have to update you on when we implement the filters. its gonna be great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my faces are pretty great in these pictures... i have weird facial expressions.

apparently Pious was saying something very important to which i was paying very close attention. 

He was very interested in my teaching as you can see  :)  

yup, theres that weird teaching face again.

Don't mind the chickens while we teach 

Peace is the one in the blue tank top, shes so great! This is just some of the group that will get the water filter.

i was playing a song on my Iphone and dancing to it. they were pretty entertained.

thats a smirk if i ever saw one :)