I know my status... and it was a long road to get there...

When i first got to the woman's health class and we talked about HIV i was completely unprepared. To be honest i didn't have enough time to help Kara to prepare the curriculum i was planning on having Kara talk most of the time. She did a great job and the class was really excited about the testing. The best part was she raised her hand and said, when can we get tested. We were so excited about that question because we had been mulling around the idea of having an HIV testing day. Having such a positive reaction made me excited to actually go through with trying to put together the testing day. One of the Country Directors Holly had worked with a an HIV agency or something and knew so much about it and so with the right motivation we set to work to make it happen. We taught the rest of the woman's health classes and talked with the Aids Information Center that would be giving the HIV testing, providing counseling, and treatment. All for free. This was very exciting. So about a week ago with just a week to go we had made "I know my status" handkerchiefs that we gave out as an incentive for coming.

The registration process to help us with the HIV support group...

These people were waiting for their test results.... I kind of know how they are feeling......

So on the day of the testing it went really really well! all of us that were working had decided that we would get tested to help the people feel more comfortable and we were also nervous that people weren't  gong to come so we thought that if they knew that mzungu's were getting tested then they might come.
And let me tell you it was a roller coaster of emotions for me. All the week leading up to it i was completely comfortable with it because there was no possible way that i would have HIV. but on that day i started to get incredibly nervous, i started thinking, i went to the hospital last week and got some blood work, they put a needle in me what if it was infected and now i am HIV.... i don't think i can handle that. or what if there was some other random way it was transmitted.... i started thinking of all of the possibilities of how i could come up positive. And i got so nervous i didn't want to get tested.
everyone that was working that day had all gone and gotten tested, and i felt so nervous in my stomach. But everyone kept telling me it was going to be fine and i should just go and do it. So i finally went in and was incredibly nervous.

We handed out some fun posters, condoms, a pamphlet and the awesome hankies.

Holly having the awkward counseling lady

They have you go to a counselor first and i felt so awkward as she was asking me questions like when the last time i had had sex was, and if i had a boyfriend, and how many partners have i had..... i am sure she thought i was lying when i told her i ahve had no partners and i don't have a boyfriend either. and i remember thinking... even in i did, i don't think i would have told her. she was a perfect stranger. So got through that incredibly awkward experience and then they sent me to the guy to prick my finger and do the actual testing. i sat there with the biggest butterflies in my stomach, i was even arguing in my head to calm down, i know i didn't have HIV. So we did the test, which when he pricks your finger KILLS i was not expecting it to hurt that bad. i have a pic of my reaction. But when i got the test back and it was negative, i was so relieved. i felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. it was a great relief. and then i started thinking...

We really liked the hankie idea :) 

how would i have handled that if there were a possiblity of me being positive. first off i don't know if i would have had the courage to go. even with all the knowldege that i have gained in teaching about HIV and how its not a lie sentence. i still don't know if i would have the strength to go. It made me think of a few of the woman that we work really closely with that didn't have the happy announcement that i did that was negative. They were positive. There were two woman that i am particulaly attached to and it hit me. their lives are changed forever by this simple test. Something that takes 10 minutes can alter your life dramatically and i was bringing that change in to their lives. these two woman now have the added stress in their life to make sure that they get their treatment, which they have to pay for, which they don't have the money to do. And their sicknesses are taken more serious, they have to be more careful when they get a simple but on their hand, or if they scrape their knee they have to be cautious. Long were the days where they could be carefree in that way.

Her mother was getting tested and so we were glad to keep her occupied until she was done :) 

I went in knowing that there was no possible way for me to be positive and yet i almost didn't have the strength to do it. i commend the ones that came with the possiblity of them being positive, it took so much courage. They knew that it was more important to be informed and take care of it so that they could provide for their families and be around long enough to hopefully see their children grow up.
I know that some of the people that came were very very surprised when they found out they were positive, either because they were in a very stable marriage and their partner was negative when they got married and the results came back positive. which brings on a whole other set of questions.
or you are a mother that is working very hard everyday to provide for you kids and you are starting to get on top of providing for your children and then you find out that your positive.
We tested 317 people from the Namatala slum and only 12 people came back positive. Which when you look at the percentage that is less than 4% of HIV in namatala. But to the lives of the 12 people, their lives have been changed forever. My hope is that we will be able to continue to give them counseling and knowledge so that those 12 can be given the support that they need and be able to continue to be there for their children and live their lives to the fullest.

I was so nervous and i wasn't very good at hiding it....

i wasn't brave, that prick on the finger REALLY REALLY hurt.

I have a new respect for the strength it takes to be willing to receive information that at first will feel like your world is crushed, but then you pick yourself back up, remember the things that you have to do in life and keep moving. It really is better to know, even if the knowledge is scary. I don't think i could have comprehended just how much doing this HIV testing would effect my life but it has. And i am grateful for the experience.